Tuesday, 4 February 2014

How the past still throws long shadows.

I sat down and wrote a blog post, I had the theme of change and how school is in flux at the moment with the prelims and the count down to the summer exams, how we can now say how many hours each of the seniors has in any class, and how this changes the whole feel of the school. The extra marking and other fun and how the knock on is much more pressure and much more focus. The whole education and how you motivate and punish children is doing the rounds of the media again. Political choices influencing who holds which post, as if this is new!

I recently made contact with some folk I had been at school with as a child, over 30 years ago it shut, I was so pleased as I hated the place, I felt alone and lonely and spent more time hiding than in class and must confess to not much reflection since then. I had thought I was past it, I am adult, the fears of my childhood are now in full light of day and as a Mum I can deal with anything. Then I sat and wrote my post. I always read them back and reflect on what I have written, mostly for sense and occasionally I re write bits that make no sense or say more than I want it too. This post I wrote was long, and many details, that I would need to edit out to keep from pointing any fingers, but what got me the most was how the persecuted feeling from my childhood still lurked under the calm of the adult.

I saved the post but will never put it up, the emotions are too raw the words too much of a rant and the whole tone unpleasant. How strange that I still feel these after 30 plus years of time. I am in touch and keeping in contact with these folk as I learned years ago that the person sat next to me at the school never saw any of my world there and I cannot expect any others to know. With the school in flux and my work in flux, this was a strange added world, they say the past is another country, nothing is truer.

The best thing for me though is the sunshine, I now drive to work (directly into the rising sun but I will not complain) in light and often drive home in light! As I type the top half of my library is illuminated and glowing, I haven't get been able to catch the warmth and joy of this light but it raises my soul and may be the only thing I truly miss when we decant to a whole new library which sadly faces the opposite way! Even as I type the sun is going down and the glow is fading, but its memory will keep me going for ages.

I took the closest to a selfie that I get to these days (who wants to see an ageing grey haired librarian anyway) and I felt I had to share.
I don't do favorite cats but if I did this would be it, my lovies kitten flopped out in my arms, so sleepy her jaw is twisted and her whole body seems boneless! Sweet Smokey was born grey all over and beneath the ginger and tabby fur is still grey in body, so she got the name smokey and then became tabbyshell! her sister was very dark mainly black so got the name midnight, now she is torty as well so neither match their names and this only means anything to us who cared and loved them from birth.
And finally a quick shot of Midnight who is not black at all mostly!

In my library I am reorganizing my Fiction and it has taken up all my library time, I will post pictures when it gets done.